Comfort is a feeling we associate with family. When we hear that word, our minds recall cherished memories of love, nurturing and companionship. The places we associate with comfort will always be a sort of home.
Home is the building block of society. Whether or not that home is a place of peace determines whether or not the community and nation are at peace. Every person creates a home for him or herself, where they can retreat from the world and create their own story of the life they want to live.
Some try to create a home out of park benches and street corners, jealously guarding what little they have from others who would take it. Others attempt to create homes out of wealth, displayed for the world to see like a beautiful glass fairy castle, but always on the verge of shattering under the pressure of everyday life.
A true home is a safe haven created by those who cooperate to create. It is a refuge from the storms of life. The challenges we all face can be hard. Some don’t even realize the need for a home until they have faced their own hard fought battle. Yet in time, every person in the world feels a longing to create such a refuge. Home is a place where you have the power to protect the people, order, and things that are most important to you.
Creating this kind of home is not a mystery or a random occurrence. It is the result of deliberate practice in three key areas of understanding, each of which will clarify your home building efforts, and bring peace. The first of the the steps in creating your home is to understand your own highest priorities in your home.
As a young child, my life would have been very different if my parents had understood their own highest priorities and how they differed from my own. When I finally came to understand that my parents acted based on priorities that were sometimes diametrically opposed to my own, I understood for the first time, why I could never feel I had ever really truly pleased them. Even where they expressed gratitude for something I had done, the victory seemed bittersweet, as I had violated my own priorities in the process.
I will never forget the day my father called me into his office at our church. At that time, he was volunteering as one of the leaders, and he asked me to try to be a little kinder to the people who were using the library I was in charge of. He tried to describe how I had offended them by being very strict about access to the library and its materials.
All I could think about was that the rules I had been given had been clear: I came to the library as quickly as I could between classes and found a couple of people rifling through things, putting them into disorder. I had explained the rules and asked what I could get them. I felt that even though I was a teenager, I was in the right, and had exercised my authority to obey the rules. They, on the other hand, felt that I had lorded over them by shaming and embarrassing them in public.
My highest priority had been respecting my role as the librarian. Theirs had been protecting their image in public. My father’s priority was getting the job done, with little respect for guidelines, especially if they would offend the members of the congregation.
If my father had been able to understand how our priorities differed, he could have taken the time to compliment me on the job well done, endorsing what I thought was important, while finding a way to express the concerns of those using the library. When I started using this understanding in my own home, it drastically changed the way I saw my children’s actions, and led to much more peace in their minds and ours.
I have found that families tend to have one of three top priorities that influence the way they act. Learning yours can help you to find more harmony in your home.
The second step to creating your home is understanding the power of opposites, and how they strengthen rather than weaken a family. You’ve heard the phrase opposites attract, right? What if there were more to it than just a vague feeling that you and your significant other were different? We each have different powers, and in a functional family, those powers are often diametrically opposed! But rather than hurting your home, they can become the strength that holds it all together.
It’s like an arch with a keystone. The arch is only able to stand because the force of the two pillars pushs against the center keystone. Your strengths can combine with the strength of others and form something greater and stronger than either of you alone, but it only works when you push together towards that center. That is true of love and marriage, as well as in a business partnership, a political rivalry, and any other relationship you find yourself in.
Like the first step, there is a method to the madness when it comes to opposites. The way that you and your partners work together is the result of the combination of strengths or powers that you bring to the table. When you recognize how those powers play off of each other, your ability to achieve becomes limitless!
And all of that leads to the third step: recognizing the personal powers that you have as well as those of all the people around you. The strengths of your parents, siblings, and friends have each helped to shape your desires, passions, relationships, jobs, and life. While the number of these powers is surprisingly small, the way in which we use them is as unique as the individuals who have them. By recognizing these powers in your life and that of your spouse and children, you become empowered to change your life into exactly what you want. When you can clearly see the power that you wield, you amplify your ability to shape and sculpt the world around you into the life that you have always dreamed of.
These steps have something in common: they are simple, and easy to learn. The comfort of a home you’ve created is not far from reach. You owe it to yourself and to your loved ones to learn how to make it happen..
I mentor families, because every family has that person who has a hard time feeling loved. I help individuals see how they fit in, and I help free up everyone to become who they want to be.
If you’re like me, then you’re ready to stop the fighting at home, and begin the peace talks. You’re ready to begin your home’s transformation. I’ve spent over 10 years studying how to make that transformation a reality, and I’m committed to making it work for you.
If you received a link to this page as a text from me, then you can expect a short phone call from me later this week to set up a short strategy session. I look forward to talking to you.
If you were forwarded this site from a friend or family member and are interested in learning more, put your information into the form below and I will contact you shortly.
If you want to set up your strategy session right now, you can call me at 801.573.8931.